So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
