You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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