On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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