I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
