I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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