theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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