my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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