What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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