yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My life is pants optional.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
