Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
