I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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