I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
