went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
