Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
