bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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