Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
