I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
