My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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