no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
