I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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