we have officially lost it.
She said her name was "party"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
