So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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