i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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