I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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