Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's the barista slut.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
