i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
