I think I won the penis lottery.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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