Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
