Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
