We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dear god my vagina.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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