I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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