Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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