Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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