just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i believe in u and ur pee
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
