yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
