nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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