Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
