Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
