Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I deserve this hangover.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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