I just saw a hot homeless man
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
