Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
