I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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