So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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