Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
