my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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