you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
