I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Found your dick twin last night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
