I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
