I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your cock deserves a montage
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
