sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
