I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
