Soap is not a condiment
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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