nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
